i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
