Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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