I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
