Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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