i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
