thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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