I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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