considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
