either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
