Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
