I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
