Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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