I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
