Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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