i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
