She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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