Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
