My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
