In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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