Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
