Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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