i would punch a child for taco bell
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
