NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
