So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
