i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When did angry sex become our thing?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
