He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
