Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize