the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
