I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Randomize
