I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
