Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
