i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
