Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
