You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
