she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
