The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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