so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
