My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
