College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
