is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
