Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
