It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
