yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
