I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
