I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize