On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I smell stomach acid.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
