I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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