If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish they made helmets for livers.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sorry about my life...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
