Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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