I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
