please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
