I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
