I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
