I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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