The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
