dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
