the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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