Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
honey bunches of taint.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
