and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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