I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize