he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
