Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
