I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
