It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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