I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
