**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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