okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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