dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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