I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Randomize
