a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize