You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
