I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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