I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
