I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
