i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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