my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We got so high we made milksteak
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
