peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
