I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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