JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
