I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
