your thong is hanging out like whoa
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
