She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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