so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize